bluecanarykit: a cartoon of me drawing (Default)
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pen & ink
finished 4-30-2006

this is the last vignette for the collaboration between me and alice. look familiar? like a pencil sketch from earlier...
just a note: i hate how the tree in the background turned out, but oh well. not everything can be perfect.
the deadline on the quilt that we are working on has been moved back & will be entered into a different contest, mostly so she can focus on the one using ken's art. also, because i have only now finished this. mostly becuase i was trying to make it too complex. orignally, amelia and ferdinand would be singing at court, we'd see the king and courtiers in the background. then, i thought about the wilderness, surrounded by her fellow minstrels in the caravan. alice thought i was overthinking it, plus none of the other vignettes has any other people besides amelia and ferd.

the quilt with ken's art is looking great. she has to finish tomorrow so she can get the entry photos postmarked by tomorrow.
go check out her blog to see the progress. i wish i could show it to ken...

alice & i have also been getting ready for cape. i found a 14x17" portfolio so i can bring the current blue canary pages i've worked on.  it just feels go have a mini-adventure and not be able to tell ken all about it, that i can't call him while i'm gone.

i, myself, am ok to some extent. some days i'm myself again, but i feel guilty when i am. other days, i just seem to mope around. i'm restless and indecisive. i'm so unsure of things that i really can't think too straight. i guess what mostly describes what i'm going through is confusion. i don't know what to do now. i know i'm waking up everyday, doing what i need to, "putting one foot in front of the other," as my mother would say...i just feel a bit lost doing it. *shakes head* it's hard to describe...i can't find the words at times.
most of all, i wish ken was still here with me.

what has been the hardest so far was going to the wedding of my friend, kellie. it's been planned for well over a year i think. i wasn't going to disappoint her, even though i know she would've understood had i stayed at home. everyone, from [personal profile] jocelyncee to kellie's family were always saying how glad they were that i came, with amazement in their eyes that i did come considering...
and yes, i did cry. especially at the rehearsal...i could feel the tears coming on and excused myself so i would distract everyone. i had a feeling that my tears would draw attention away from the bride, which wouldn't be right since it was her day, not mine. kellie's mom found me and gave comfort. she's really sweet.

why did i go? because i just can't hide from things like this. it's going to hurt, so let's just get it over with now or i may not face it at all. i don't want to hide from things all my life. ken wouldn't want me to do that. i know this.
a lot of times it irritates me when folks say, " it would be what he wanted." how do they know? did they ask?
i know of only a few absolutes from knowing and loving him as long as i did: he wouldn't want me to wallow or to give up, on life and on the things that matter to me most.
but man, no one ever said it would be easy. of course, i never expected it to be, either.

i'll prolly have to go through this all again in july when [personal profile] jocelyncee gets married, but i wouldn't miss it for the world, either. i have to face my pain no matter what.
bluecanarykit: a cartoon of me drawing (Default)
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- inked 31 March 2006 -
pen & ink

this is the finished version of this entry's sketch. only one more quilt vignette to go.

alice and i played more with colors for ken's quilt. she even got out the fabric paint and experimented. this will look very good.

taking mom to visit ken's folks today. also meeting with j.t., an old high school friend of ken's who has some ken-related stories for me. alice is coming with.
bluecanarykit: a cartoon of me drawing (Default)
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- drawn 26 March 2006 -
inked 30 March 2006
pen & ink

another vignette for the quilt.
amelia prefers to snuggle near the nightlight than stay in bed.

[profile] girlwithoutfear has a rough on how she'll be doing the celtic knotwork on the quilt with ken's art. go check her reality blog to see...

i'm doing better today. visited with alice some.
was going to visit ken's folks, but they were busy tonight. i'll see them on saturday, though.
*hugs* to all for the thoughts, prayers and stuff. it's helping.
bluecanarykit: a cartoon of me drawing (Default)
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- drawn 29 March 2006 -
pencil on paper

it's not done yet, still have to finish the ship in the background and an island, but for the most part, this is the pirates vignette for the quilt alice ([profile] girlwithoutfear) and i are working on. yes, ferd is an albatross in this scene (i know i'll hear john cleese screaming "albatross!" every time i draw him thus.) why an albatross? because a seagull sounded boring.
ferdinand can change his shape to other types of birds and one other thing...

alice is thinking of doing a border of celtic knotwork for the quilt with ken's art. i think it's appropriate since it's art from in shining armor.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

it's been a strange day-nothing unusual happened, i've just felt odd. i'm not sick, i just haven't felt normal. of course, my friends would say that is to be expected. *shrugs* since i have no idea what to expect anymore, i'm just second guessing myself constantly. it's wearing on me.
one minute, i'm fine. i can lose myself in a book or a dvd, but's like ultra mood swings. i think i understand my mother's bi-polar condition a bit more.

i constantly find stuff that reminds me of ken. yesterday, i couldn't take it. any tom petty song on the radio, seeing chocolate covered expresso beans at the store or even getting fast food will trigger a memory. sometimes i can handle it. it's weird how detached i feel at the moment...i can look at it analytically. tomorrow i may be raging at the world in general. right now, i'm calm. hmmm. maybe some would call it numb. i'm no longer sure.

i am known amoung my friends for being...well, oblivious. introspection does not come easily to me. simple stuff i tend to overlook.
i think i'm searching too hard to figure out what to do next that i'm overlooking obvious stuff. mom keeps reminding me to take it one step at a time. i know she's just trying to help and comfort but sometimes the words sound trite and repeatative. i know mom is not meaning it that way, but ...i dunno.
there's a ken-shaped hole in my heart and in my life. i know i can still talk to him, but i can't converse like i used to. my imagination will take over for his responses, but i know it's just that, my imagination and that's just putting words in his mouth. how could i know he would respond that way?
i wrote him an email yesterday. i know, i'm not expecting any replies, except maybe the email being bounced, but it felt like something i had to do.
i just can't seem to let go.

i'm adrift and i've lost my anchor.
and i just noticed that what i just typed matched the nautical theme in the artwork. oy.
ok, i'm offically tired and going to bed. i just can't think straight.

quilt art

Mar. 26th, 2006 11:25 pm
bluecanarykit: a cartoon of me drawing (huh?)
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-drawn 26 Mar 2006-
pen & ink

i believe that ken would be furious if i gave up drawing out of sorrow and grief. the quilt project with alice continues as planned. that mean's sketches are back up here.
above is one of the vignettes for the quilt.

i drew this tonight at doug & c's house. alice and i had come over to watch movies and just veg.
i find myself sometimes feeling almost like me again-a bit cheery , actually and i feel guilty when i do.
c thought that it's just a normal part of the healing process, that life does go on and that ken wouldn't want me to stay sad.

i realize this, but i still feel guilty. i know that life is about change, you ever go with it or you choose not to, which results in stagnation and death. i just don't know what my future holds anymore. before, i had a pretty good idea.

c said that her mom lost a brother due to a drunk driving accident. he was just a teenager. it's been over 30 years and she still has trouble talking about it on some days. what has happened will always effect me, i just don't know how.
bluecanarykit: a cartoon of me drawing (Chibi Me - Yay!)
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-drawn 2 Mar, 2006 -
pencil on paper

last night, my friend, alice, and i have decided to work on a little project together that features my characters, (it was her idea.) i do the art and she'll turn it into a quilt. not a hokey one, either but a cool art quilt with embroidery, beadwork and embellishments.

why are we doing this you ask? we are thinking of entering the Husqvarna Viking quilting competition, (again, her idea. doesn't she have the coolest ideas?) the theme this year is "Imagine That!" and she said she thought of Amelia & Ferdinand when she read that. 8^D
we are both excited about this! entries have to be postmarked by may 2, so i better get crackin'!
go check out alice's daredevil quilts to get the idea of her stuff. if the link doesn't work, you may have to click on the link in her page to her gallery. a note about how she embroiders: she doesn't put a digital image in the machine and let it work, oh no, not alice. she likes to guide the machine by hand. she gets some really cool textures in the thread that way.

whether we win or lose, if we go to cons and share a booth in artist's alley, then we'll have something to display that represents what both of us do. 8^)

the above sketch is one of the vignettes for the quilt. each one shows Amelia and Ferdinand in an imaginative adventure. This one is for a medieval-like world where Minstrels and Troubadours roam in little caravans entertaining rich and poor alike. i like the lute Amelia has, but i accidently made her left-handed. opps!
Amelia's Minstrel Costume Design under here! )
off to work i go! guess who has a full-time job again? 6^) now i can at least pay rent.
bluecanarykit: a cartoon of me drawing (Hey!)
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-drawn 24 Nov 2005-
pencil on paper

taking a break from visiting with family and feeding my face when i drew this. another character idea for Blue Canary. his name is Callen.
it will be awhile before we meet him, let's just say it has lots to do with "Many Gateways" and leave it at that. 8^)
bluecanarykit: a cartoon of me drawing (Hey!)
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cut to save on load time )

-drawn 28 June 2005-
pencil on paper, with digital spotcolor

and now, the conclusion...
for clarification, only amelia's hair is digitally colored.
bluecanarykit: a cartoon of me drawing (Hey!)
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images cut to spare load time on the page... )
-drawn 27 June 2005 -
pencil on paper, with digital spot color

i humbly apologize for the huge file size. it was even bigger in gif format, so what can you do? *shrugs*
i also apologize for any text you can't read. let me know and i'll post the text script for the above page.
i'm planning on doing a "sister" comic to blue canary called "lullaby to nightmares." it will have the early history of the friendship and adventures of amelia and ferdinand, from the day she meets him to the day he vanishes, leaving her to wonder what happened to him until she meets him again in college.
this little short story takes place during that time frame. it's loosely based on a true story. this is a rough sketch of how the final layout might look. i usually do sketches like these before i start drawing a page, so that i have an idea of what angles/shot i want for each panel. the spot color is to explain a few points which, i hope should become evident as the episode progress. you can view the other pages behind the cut.  i'll post the conclusion to the story tomorrow.


bluecanarykit: a cartoon of me drawing (Default)

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