(no subject)

i'm numb...at least when i'm not sobbing or raging at the way of things.
last night, ken, my best friend and lover suffered a stroke. there was massive hemmoraging.
the doctors have pronounced him brain dead.
i feel sick. i always told him that i didn't know what i'd do without him-now he's gone.
God, i miss him already. he's only 32. why!!???!?